Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this boner is exhausting
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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