I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
