dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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