Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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