Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
