Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
