Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
