I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
