I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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