she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
