; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
