i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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