Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
