So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
