I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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