apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
