Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
