I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
