Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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