im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
