Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
