i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
