I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
