I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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