When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
