we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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