Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
