I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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