You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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