he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
