yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
