note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
