finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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