Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
