omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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