I puked a lego.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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