Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
