Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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