I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
