Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
