Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize