you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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