Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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