Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
