i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
