You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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