I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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