I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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