matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
