then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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