just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
