Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
