You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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