I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize