he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
