Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
