So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
