She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
