My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
