I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
