Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
