Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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