mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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