i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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