a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize