The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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