I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
